Heyyyyy yall. Today I want to share with you what my 2019 have been for me and looked like for me. I want to be honest with you all my 2019 have been hell like pacific blue ocean hell. I lost my job in December last yr and let me tell you getting fired from a job is tough. Actually I hated the job I was at I was stressed out by a kid who was constantly in my class every day stressing me out. Well before the year ended I was fed up I prayed and asked God to remove the kid from the day care or im quitting. Well it was God will to fire me I was devastated because I thought he was going to take my side instead of the kid. Silly me to even think that. After losing my job I cried not knowing that I was about to enter into a weird season called "set backs and road blocks". We all know about delays. No one likes delays because it messes with your emotions and it can hold you back from doing the things you love. I am now currently still in a delay and roadblocks. I have no job and im living on unemployment. but in the midst of it God have provided for me here and there but its not enough for me. Honestly I don't understand the way God provides because im not stable in my life right now. God will bless me with something to help pay for the bills I owe than he will cut it off and its currently still happening right now. I wouldn't wish my pain and trauma in delays on anyone. Delays messes with your emotions and it messes with your mind. Waking up every day doing the same thing eat sleep and cant even occupy your time because you have no money. I currently am doing door dash, Amazon flex, and instashop. but even that cant even pay my bills but at least I can put gas in my car. and I can have food to eat and buy things I need. but I am over in my bills im driving an uninsured car and lucky for some reason God is protecting me even though im not supposed to be driving it but God is doing its work in protecting me. I only use it to go to interviews, church, and bible studies. Speaking of interviews during my season of delays im in this process where im doing interviews but I don't get passed the next step. You see that? another road block . Being in that makes you very overwhelmed to the point you don't understand why and start to question God on why you're going through it and asking your self is this spirit demonic or set up by God? Well to tell you the truth I do not know and also im over it. This yr was bad very depressing im still surprised that im even alive with my life looking so pathetic. Being in delays makes you feel like a failure honestly because life is just passing you bye and you're just going through the emotions and watching time goes bye so the day can end quicker. Being in a delay time flies fast when you're in a delay. And I say this because you're not doing anything with your life and self and life is just passing you bye. How do you even trust God when the reality of your life looks pathetic and looks like flat? all you doing is taking naps here and there and eating someday you cant even eat and some days the depression hits harder. Where you struggle to get out of bed because of having nothing to do with life. Then you ask your self and ask God "as pathetic life may look why am I even still here?"what is the point? Some days you cry for ours because your life sucks and you watch people on Instagram living lavish lives and you cant live that life you want to live because you're in a season of delay. Do yall know what delay does to you mentally? Delays in season messes up with your emotions and that is when your trust in God starts to reveal whether or not you trust God or not. And I have to admit some days you don't trust him because of life and how it looks. Even now while writing this im crying because its true but its a release for me. Delay can make u depressed. Scripture said God will provide I heard other people get their breaks in in the finance area but to be honest for me God have provided little here and there but im still waiting for that big check so I can pay all of my bills which is over 13k for being in a delay for over a year so that I can start fresh and start over. I don't want to owe no man anything as scripture said. I just want a new beginning. But how do you trust God when all you do is beg him for something that seems like he is not coming through for you? How do you trust God in that?? What do you do in this present moment when you cant do anything but stay in bed all day watching old TV shows laughing and realizing how pathetic your life is? What do you do in the present moment when you have a brain fog and life is sucking you in and its about to be a new decade and you didn't learn anything? what do you do when you don't believe God words any more because of being tired of the delays and feeling hopeless? "Hope defers makes the heart sick right?' what do you do? What do you do when you ask God to give you a vision for your life because of the fact that you feel clueless and the fact you see other get visions but you don't what do you do God? how do you deal with that? Honestly idk how to encourage you guys in this battle im facing but what I can say is be real with God in the delays and tell him how you feel. I mean its called a relationship anyways in the process. But if you guys can leave some encouragement for me and prayers I appreciate it. Trusting God isn't easy in this season sometimes I have to ask my self do I even trust him and am I even saved? I even told God I don't trust him because I can't look beyond my current circumstances and I feel like he is closing the doors. we say "delay is not a denial but honestly you're your own delay. I put my self in this and now I got wait for God timing to get out of it. My trust in God is not easy but honestly listening to Les brown has helped me so far and I will keep listening to him and hearing his voice until my mind is renewed and I heal. But within it all I have no choice but to renew my mind and ask God for a new perspective every day to get through this. Keep your sister in prayer I am going through it. I hope my authenticity of my message of delays finds you well and resonated with you. Please pray for me share this post and pray for me so it can help others
Hi every one my name is Akua and I wanted to share with you my 2019. As you can see I have been doing this writing thing since 2016 but when I did it I was a babe in Christ. I did writing to help me heal through my pain of what I was going through and facing. After I healed and overcame the me I was searching for some reason I buried my gift and never looked backed. I ended up getting a writers block and it took me a couple of yrs to get a wake up call in it. Have any one had a brain fog?? where you tried to write but no matter how hard you try nothing was coming out?. I been there and forgot all about the fact that I have the gift to write and tell stories. it wasn't until Now where I went ahead and asked God about my gift and he brought back to me my ability to write and my gift of writing. Honestly any one can write but I can write as if im talking to you. Im a talker and I talkkkkk so I was like you know what? Why dont I put on paper to make things better for me. So that is wha...
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